


Magical Shenanigans

by knee_knee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, F/F, FitzSimmons BFFs, Hydra (Marvel), skimmons - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-01-27 15:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1715402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knee_knee/pseuds/knee_knee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the trio learn that Hydra has risen and is threatening to crush SHIELD for control of the wizarding world, they take it upon themselves to pitch in. This brings them under Hydra’s scrutiny and The Seer is horrified to learn that the 0-8-4 prophesied to bring about his downfall, is a seventeen year old girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fitz was used to the chill of autumn in the Scottish Highlands. Although he had grown up just outside of Edinburgh, he had always found it reassuring that the boarding school he’d been invited to attend on his eleventh birthday wasn’t that far from home. In fact, compared with the majority of the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he was practically a local. The only downside to this was that he had never been on the Hogwarts Express for the entirety of its journey from King’s Cross in London to Hogsmeade Village, just south of Hogwarts castle. Instead, on the first of September each year, he disappeared through platform 4 ½ in Edinburgh Waverly station and met the train for the last leg of its journey. There was never more than a handful of students waiting there (all northerners) and he’d been concerned that it would be much harder to make friends. He needn’t have worried.

The windows in the library had started to frost on the outside, a sure sign that they were going to get snow soon, and Fitz thanked Merlin that the old castle wasn’t anywhere near as cold as it should be. Ah magic, how he loved it. Sighing, he rubbed a hand across his face and turned back to his potions essay. Fitz was a genius and he had the grades to prove it, but potions was not his best subject. Not for the first time that afternoon, he wished that Simmons was holed up in the library with him. Unfortunately, she was running about the castle grounds with Professor May. Something was killing the unicorns in the Forbidden Forest and Simmons had a theory. She’d practically sprinted off to the fourth floor to talk to May - their Defence Against the Dark Arts professor - when they’d finished lunch. Instead, he had Skye sitting across from him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Skye, she was his other best bud, it was that she was even worse at potions than he was.

‘Fitz, please tell me Simmons will be back soon,’ Skye sat up quickly as the librarian hobbled past, scowling at them suspiciously. Skye had been using her copy of 1001 Plants & Fungi as a pillow.

‘She said she wouldn’t be long but y’know how she gets. She’s probably giving May a lecture about the fascinating cell structure of unicorn hair or whatever.’ He paused to search for his biro and found it under a sheaf of notes on the restorative properties of flobberworm mucus. ‘I mean, it is fascinating…’

‘But our crappy essays really need her.’

‘Yup.’

They fell back into a reflective silence. Skye gazed about the bookshelves and absentmindedly shredded the top sheet of her essay. She’d regret it when she had to copy it all out again. Well, she wouldn’t actually do it but she’d feel bad for a second while she considered the extra effort it would take. A few decades ago, the whole school had still been using quill and ink. Essays were written on thick sheets of rolled parchment, the kind you see in old films about Elizabethan England. They’d only updated at the insistence of a Hogwarts alumnus who’d joined the Ministry after graduating. Ms Granger had done a lot of things to reform the wizarding world but Fitz and the other muggleborns thought that being able to use proper pens and paper was probably the most appreciated.

Skye was thinking hard, though not about her potions essay. She was currently weighing up her team’s chances of winning their upcoming quidditch match. It was the first of the season and, though she’d been on the team for the past six years, it always made her nervous. As a seventh year, this would be the last chance she had of helping the team win the quidditch cup. Slytherin hadn’t won in a long time, Gryffindor always seemed to pip them to the post at the last minute and it stung. It wasn’t even that their players were that much better than the other houses, they just had an abundance of confidence that seemed to buoy them to victory.

She wasn’t the only one who’d been suspicious, a few of her teammates were convinced that the Gryffindor team were cheating and had even spied on their practices. All they’d found out was that the Gryffindor captain had a splinter from Viktor Krum’s broomstick. Apparently, he’d gotten it from his uncle who’d been there when Krum barrelled into the stands while chasing the snitch at the 424th Quidditch World Cup in 2002. After that accident and Bulgaria’s spectacular defeat by Egypt, Krum had then resigned. The entire Slytherin team had wondered whether the splinter could’ve been more than a good luck charm. If so then now that the captain had been replaced, this could be their year.

The pair’s wandering thoughts were interrupted when a breathless and pink-cheeked girl plopped down in the remaining chair at their table. Simmons set her satchel down and unwound the striped green scarf from her neck while she grinned at her friends.

‘I definitely know what’s killing the unicorns!’ Her hair was coming out of its neat ponytail and when Skye looked closer, she could see mud splattered up Simmons’ robes.

‘I hope you cleaned your boots, you’ll get lynched if you’ve tracked mud all over the library.’

‘Of course I did,’ Simmons yanked the hem of her robes up to her knee and stuck her leg out at the other girl. Her sturdy black boots and thick tights were spotless. Evidently she’d cast a quick scouring charm on the way there.

‘What is it then?’ Fitz had stopped doodling a particularly cute monkey on the back of his notes and was now looking at Simmons with rapt attention.

‘An erumpent.’

‘Hang on, you think there’s a class four beastie roaming around the forest and nobody has noticed, despite the fact it’s the size of a rhino?’ Fitz’ brow furrowed.

‘Yes. Considering the size of the forest it’s not that unlikely-‘

‘Erumpents are native to Africa though,’ Skye slumped over her essay again and rested her chin on her forearm. ‘How did one get here?’

‘Well, that’s something that’s up for debate but it is most certainly an erumpent. Not only were the unicorns, erm, exploded to death..? But the remains had traces of purple mottling on the skin. Now, we all know that erumpents secrete a fluid which, aside from causing explosions, also causes purple mottling where it comes into contact with skin.’

‘I suppose they are the only thing fast enough to get a hit on a unicorn.’

‘Exactly!’

‘But you’ve no real proof, unless you can analyse the remains for traces of exploding fluid-‘

‘Already waiting on the results, Professor May and I stopped by the potions lab. Professor Banner said he’d send for me once the results come through.’ Simmons was practically vibrating in her chair by the time she’d finished speaking. Skye thought it was incredibly endearing.

‘Well, what’s the plan when the results come back? Are they going to send a team in from the Ministry?’

‘That’s where you come in Fitz, I told Professor May about your CVVT things and she said it’d be a good idea to set some up near the sites where the unicorns were found. That way we can get a look at it before sending for a team.’

‘CCTV,’ he looked thoughtful and Simmons knew he was considering the benefits of taking his invention on a test run. ‘Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks for the response so far, I'm glad you seem to be enjoying the story! :)

When Jemma Simmons had first seen the sites of the dead unicorns she’d been taken aback by just how violent the poor beasts’ deaths had been. The effects of erumpent venom were well documented but there was a certain detachment when reading about gruesome things. She had dissected many dead creatures over the years but, in the name of education, it hadn’t seemed so bad.

The sites were deceptively beautiful in the dull light of late afternoon. Almost every inch of the clearings were coated in silver. From the air Simmons imagined that they must look like dropped sickles as each was perfectly circular. Underneath the crust of congealed unicorn blood you could barely tell how scarred the earth was from the explosions. The chunks that hadn’t been eviscerated were scarce, and Simmons had felt a macabre thrill when she could correctly identify the parts.

There had been three dead unicorns in total, all clustered about a twenty minute walk into the forest from the caretaker’s hut. Headmaster Coulson had been all too eager to identify the culprit, not only was it a shame to lose such magnificent creatures but it was too close to the school grounds for comfort.

‘No Dopey! Watch what you’re doing!’ Fitz’ warnings fell on deaf ears as the little garden gnome proceeded to squeeze an entire tube of superglue over a tree branch and promptly sit down in it. The surveillance camera Dopey was supposed to be securing teetered on the branch fifteen feet in the air and Fitz let out a yelp of panic, dashing toward the tree.

‘I think he’s getting you back for naming him that Fitz,’ said Skye as she and Simmons tried to stifle their giggles. Professor May looked on stoically.

‘That really was quite mean, you gave all of them such odd names.’ Simmons was referring to the six other muggle garden gnomes that Fitz had enchanted. He’d invented his own variation of the locomotor incantation in order to animate his little porcelain minions and used them to perform menial tasks.

‘Right, well one of you is going to have to levitate me up there so I can grab him.’

‘I’ll do it,’ answered May as she stopped eyeing the perimeter and approached Fitz with her wand raised. ‘Zip your jacket up, I wouldn’t want you to snag on any branches.’

‘Yes, of course. I’ll just…’

While May slowly raised Fitz up to meet Dopey, Skye and Simmons wandered around the clearing on the pretence of checking how the other gnomes were getting along. They were scampering about with a surprising amount of agility, even though their movements were accompanied with a sound like dinner plates sliding over each other. Skye marvelled as two gnomes – Doc and Happy? – drew a long tape measure out between them and spread it over the diameter of the deep crater. Fitz really was quite brilliant.

‘Hey little guy, how big is the hole?’ The gnome ignored Skye and instead handed his tiny notebook over to Simmons. She wasn’t surprised, for some reason the gnomes didn’t like her. In fact they often went out of their way to pull pranks on her. Once they’d pinned her underwear up all over the Slytherin common room, including her unattractive granny knickers.

‘Thank you, why don’t you two go and help Sleepy?’ Simmons pointed to a gnome who was seemingly stuck at the bottom of the crater. Doc nodded and Happy gave a little salute as they left.

‘Why do they hate me still? It’s been, like, three years.’

‘They don’t hate you Skye, they just like playing with you. I imagine they think you’re a lot of fun to play tricks on. It’s Fitz’ fault really, he gave them too much personality but they are rather sweet.’ As though there to prove Simmons’ point, Bashful appeared at the girls’ feet with a buttercup in his tiny fist. He held it up to Simmons and she bent down to accept it then pat the gnome affectionately of the head. Pleased by this, Bashful bowed and ran off to help Grumpy and Sneezy pack up their equipment.

‘I think that one fancies you Simmons.’

‘Oh shush. Here,’ Simmons turned to her friend and held up the buttercup. She stepped a little closer and Skye’s breath hitched. ‘Did you ever do this when you were younger?’

‘W-what?’ Skye didn’t know what was going on but she was frozen to the spot as Simmons raised the flower up and held it below Skye’s chin.

‘When you were little,’ Simmons looked Skye in the eye curiously and twirled the flower between her fingers. ‘They say that you can tell if a person likes butter by holding a buttercup under their chin. If there’s any yellow tinge to their skin then, they like butter. It’s complete nonsense of course, all down to the refraction of light. It’s strange, the things that get passed through generations as silly games.’

‘No,’ Skye could feel the flower tickling her chin ever so slightly but she couldn’t bring herself to move. ‘I guess they didn’t teach anybody that one at the orphanage.’

‘Oh,’ said Simmons softly, her eyes crinkling with guilt. ’I’m sorry, I didn’t-‘

‘Hey, it’s okay. It wasn’t so bad there.’ Skye grinned and her friend smiled back tentatively. ‘So come on, do I like butter or not? The suspense is killing me.’

‘Well…’ Simmons squinted at Skye’s chin for a moment. There wasn’t a yellow glow. ‘No, according to the wisdom of this little flower, you don’t like butter.’

‘Damn, well I suppose it must be true.’

‘Either that or there just isn’t enough light in here.’

’Shush Simmons, don’t ruin the magic!’

Simmons rolled her eyes before tucking the buttercup into the breast pocket of Skye’s denim jacket. She squeezed her friends elbow before moving away to check on Fitz’s progress. He had managed to secure the camera and was now back on the ground attempting to scour the glue and bark from Dopey.

’Stop moving you wee sod!’ Fitz looked at Simmons pleadingly.

‘Fine, give him here!’ She crossed the clearing and Skye followed, stepping in something as she went.

’Oh gross! Unicorn guts!’

That evening, the trio were hanging around in the Slytherin common room. Skye and Simmons spent most of their time playing gobstones. Simmons hated the game but Skye thought it was hilarious, especially when she wasn’t on the receiving end of the gobstones putrid spit. In the corner, Fitz was tinkering with his tablet computer while inquisitive students looked on. He’d managed to configure it to work within the walls of Hogwarts. Muggle technology went haywire around magic so several muggleborns had sought him out in order to get their mp3 players and handheld game consoles fixed. It was supposed to be a covert operation but Fitz wasn’t exactly secretive about his intentions to one day combine muggle technology and magic to create new inventions. As such, he’d started to be approached by students from other houses, which had given him quite the popularity boost.

As the clock ticked closer to midnight the other students sidled off to bed until only the trio remained. They moved closer to the fireplace, onto the comfier leather sofas, and Simmons propped her feet up in Fitz’s lap. Without a word he unlaced her boots, slipped them off and began to massage her feet. Skye picked up a rogue gobstone and began trying to levitate it without her wand. She managed to get it a centimetre from her palm before Doc bolted into the room with Fitz’ tablet computer.

‘What’s up Doc?’ Fitz chuckled to himself before grabbing the tablet from his gnome to check their surveillance feeds. ‘Oh my…’

‘What? What is it?’ Skye sat up a little straighter so she could peer over at her friends.

‘I told you so,’ said Simmons as Fitz turned the screen to face Skye. On it, casually strolling into frame after a staggering unicorn, was an erumpent.


End file.
